


Cloudy with a Chance

by agoodpersonrose



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Awkward Flirting, Enemies to Lovers, First Kiss, First Meetings, Flirty Patrick Brewer, M/M, Meet-Cute, Mutual Pining, Overuse of Tweet Skins, Rivalry, Slow Burn, Weathermen AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-22 14:54:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30040386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agoodpersonrose/pseuds/agoodpersonrose
Summary: “Now over to our brand new meteorologist, David Rose, with the weekly forecast. David?”OR, the Rival Weathermen AU that nobody asked for 🌦
Relationships: (Mentioned) Stevie Budd/Twyla Sands, Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Stevie Budd & David Rose
Comments: 113
Kudos: 269





	Cloudy with a Chance

“Now over to our brand new meteorologist, David Rose, with the weekly forecast. David?”

David winces as the red light on the camera in front of him suddenly switches on, meaning he’s on the air. Hopefully that looked like a smile. He thinks it looked like a smile.

He nods, more to himself than to anyone else, and turns to his right in order to gesture at the green screen behind him. “Oh, there’s no--” he looks around the room. “There’s nothing on the screen.”

One of the men with headphones on to his right shakes his head and makes a gesture which reads ‘get on with it’, so David looks over at the reel of text on the screen to his left and starts speaking.

“Well, it’s looking like we have a beautiful few days lined up in the next week or so,” he reads, squinting at the screen and silently begging his contacts to do their job better so he won’t have to actually show up on TV in his glasses next time. “Some high clouds overhead but filtered sunshine throughout the course of the next few days.”

Out of the corner of his eye, David finally spots the tiny screen showing his own movements. He tries to point, unsuccessfully, to the temperature and ends up just waving a hand in its general direction as he reads the next line.

“Temperature around 18 degrees, pretty average for this time of year, with low wind, and a humidity of 13%, so that is- Is that dry? I think that’s dry, so you really wanna make sure you’re using a proper moisturiser, and plenty of lip balm, otherwise your lips will be incredibly chapped. I personally would advise a nice goat milk moisturiser; it really strengthens the skin and lasts a long time without being greasy.”

During his little diversion, David seems to have missed a lot of the script rolling in front of him. He winces apologetically and tries to catch up, stumbling over his words as he tries to get the general gist of the message down.

“Okay, so basically what this is saying is that it shouldn’t be raining much this week, so you’re fine to get the washing out on the line, or like, have dinner outside if that’s a thing you’re into. Personally, I wouldn’t risk the moths, but that’s just me. Um, overnight it looks kind of cold, but like, that shouldn’t matter--” he looks up at the camera and pulls a face. “Just stay inside.”

There is a small dinging noise which signifies the end of his time slot and David shrugs as the camera turns back to the news anchor behind the desk on the other side of the room.

Ted is grinning in amusement as he fiddles with the stack of paper in front of him. “That was your weather report from David, it’s his first time so go easy on him. This is the Elmdale Morning News, and we will be seeing _you_ after a short break.”

“Okay, but like, would we say _first_ time, I mean, you might wanna talk to like, half of my birthright trip about that --”

David mutters, not realising his microphone is still pinned to his chest and very much turned on, allowing him to be clearly heard over the sound of the theme song, which is taking the show to the advert break.

“Ugh,” he pulls the wire off his chest and thrusts it in the hands of the first orderly that he sees, immediately heading over to his new boss, Wendy, to apologise. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what happened, I was just--”

Wendy puts an authoritative hand up to stop his rambling and shakes her head. “You don’t have to say a word, David, you actually did better than the last three meteorologists that we tried. Your job is safe, and you’ll just need to make sure you practice following the script."

“First of all, I highly doubt that anyone could possibly do worse than _that,”_ David argues, gesturing over to his little area with a disdainful look. “Secondly, I just think that the title meteorologist might be a little… _misleading?_ Since I’m not actually like, doing the work behind it, I’m just like- presenting it. _”_

“Oh, stop worrying, it’d be more confusing if we had to explain that to people every time. This is the Elmdale Morning News, nobody is expecting perfection.”

“Okay, I just- I don’t want to mislead people or lie about anything--”

Wendy cuts him off again with an _“ah, ah, ah”_ and a waggle of her finger towards his face which makes David draw his head back in disgust.

“It’s not misleading if we just fail to mention something that the general public would assume, David. Now, I think you’ve done enough for today, we’ll just show the graphics for the next two segments if you want to go home, recollect yourself, and come back in tomorrow ready and rearing to go. How does that sound?”

“That would be,” David says slowly, with an expression of disbelief on his face. “Well, that would be great, actually. I will, um, I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

Wendy just nods and disappears as she’s called away by one of the interns struggling to move the camera away from where it’s currently pointing at one of the set managers ass cracks, peeking out from behind their low slung, baggy jeans.

David shakes his head in disbelief of how he ever ended up in this situation, grabs his day bag from where he had abandoned it in the corner, and hurries out onto the street in the direction of home.

When he arrives in the small two-bedroom flat, he is immediately accosted by his best friend and worst enemy, lingering in the hallway awaiting his arrival.

“Ew, what are you doing wandering here like a lonely ghost, shoo!” David says, accompanying it with the motion as Stevie jumps up from the couch to greet him.

“Well, how was it?”

“It was a job, I did a job, and you should be very proud.”

“Mhm, I probably would be if I hadn’t witnessed the train wreck for myself. I hope you know I will definitely be asking for more details about your _birth right_ trip sometime soon.”

“Ugh, okay, first of all _you know_ that when I said I was looking for a job in trend forecasting I was definitely not envisioning--” David waves his arms around generally. “This. Secondly, Wendy said it wasn’t that bad, and I still have the job, so--”

“Really?” Stevie asks, her eyebrows shooting up in genuine surprise. “Why are you already back here so early, then?”

“She gave me the rest of the day off, why are you giving me the third degree about this?” David asks sharply as he finally puts his bag down by the door and unlaces his shoes, entering the apartment with an air of exhaustion that could only come from a long day’s work. Though it is technically only ten am. Maybe he should go back to bed.

“I’m just checking in on your mood, is that illegal?”

“Why are you ‘checking in on my mood’? What do you want?”

Stevie stays silent and reaches for the remote as she heads over to the small couch, unmuting the TV and gesturing towards it for David to see for himself.

“Why are we watching this exactly? I _just_ did that.”

“Shh, listen."

_“Now, for the week’s weather with our meteorologist, Patrick Brewer.”_

_“Thanks Ray. Now, I know what you’re thinking, but don’t worry, I do actually have the credentials to do this job, unlike the new guy on the Elmdale Morning News. But hey, who am I to argue with a pretty face first thing in the morning?”_

David makes a horrified sound, something similar to a goose squawking, as he sits up straight in his seat on the couch and waves a distressed hand at the screen where the generic brown-haired man has moved on to actually giving his weather report.

Granted, he does it with a lot more ease than David ever could; pointing perfectly with his hand as he talks, making it all look very natural even though David now _knows_ that he is stood in front of a green screen and not, as he had previously believed, an actual map.

_“As you can see here, the humidity is actually 73%, so it’s incredibly humid today, I believe David must have misread that figure. Though, I’m sure he has plenty of advice to give concerning proper skin care in this situation too, if only he were able to get the numbers right.”_

David clenches his jaw as the man smirks slightly to himself and moves right along with his report as if it were natural. He doesn’t scramble to keep up with the script, or stumble over any words, he talks calmly and competently, as if he really understands the information that he’s saying. Which, David assumes he must, since he claims to actually be a meteorologist rather than the lowly presenting job David had taken on.

_“That’s all we’ve got time for today, folks. It’s not quite hot enough to get your tan on, but perfectly suitable weather for a nice hike or nature walk. This is the Elmington Local News, bringing you all the information that Elmdale failed to provide you. Have a good one.”_

Stevie switches the TV off hesitantly and looks over at David whose eyebrows are furrowed in fury. “What the _fuck_ was that?”

“I don’t know, David. Friendly rivalry, perhaps?”

“You’d call that friendly?”

“I mean, I wouldn’t call it _un_ friendly. He didn’t seem cruel. In fact, he actually kind of seemed like he thought you were--”

“This is so unfair, I did the best I could, and I wasn’t prepared efficiently for the job,” David rants, ignoring her attempted placation. “So, really this is all Wendy’s fault for just _throwing_ me right in the deep end with the denim infested sharks.”

“Okay,” Stevie demurs, and she’s using the voice which means she’s going to try and talk David down off a ledge, which isn’t fair, because if David were on a ledge, he would probably be able to tell the weather better, and then he would be able to complete the stupid report without tripping over his words like an idiot and embarrassing himself in front of an apparent expert.

He can’t believe he’s jealous about a weather expert. What has his life come to?

David drops his head back against the couch cushions and whines, long and miserable, turning to look at Stevie with a pout. “Comfort me,” he moans, “You’re the one that made me get this stupid job in the first place.”

“Um, I think what I said was that if you wanted to move out of the motel you would have to earn a wage in order to pay for rent. It was your choice to move in with me, I told you several times that you were more than welcome to _keep_ living in a single-bed room like, a foot away from your sister.”

David doesn’t disagree but continues to flail against the couch cushions like a beached fish.

“Okay, you know what?” Stevie asks, standing up.

“What?”

“I have the day off; you have the rest of the day off. I say, we crack open the emergency joint, drink a bottle of wine, and talk trash at the TV.”

“But we were saving that joint for the next episode of American Idol,” David mumbles. “I was looking forward to getting high and proving that I can sing better than them.”

“Right. Well, because you’re being so pathetic about this, I will buy us some more the next time I see Mutt, happy?”

“Well, that could be months from now considering he has basically fallen off the face of the earth, but sure,” David says as he lets his eyes travel around the room but he’s smirking as he finally nods definitively, and watches Stevie head into the kitchen for the--

“David, where did you put the Vodka?”

“It’s in the freezer,” he admits. “Pre-planning. I had a feeling today wouldn’t go well and I wanted to be prepared.”

Stevie rolls her eyes but opens the freezer and pulls it out.

***

Eliza(beth) Hamilton  
@thatwouldbeenough

okay so idk if anyone watches Elmington news but I watched this morning (yes, I watch it because I think the weatherman is cute) but he was totally hitting on a different weatherman I SAW it with my OWN EYES

11:01 AM · Sep 10, 2018

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megan 🦝  
@little_miss_spreadsheet

“Pretty face first thing in the morning”??? THIS MAN IS NOT DISCREET.

11:14 AM · Sep 10, 2018

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amy  
@kitcat

Okay I didn’t catch the Elmington news but is that weatherman better? Ours didn’t know what he was doing this morning.

11:15 AM · Sep 10, 2018

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**2** Retweets **9** Quote Tweets **7** Likes

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Helen  
Replying to @david_rose_brewer

Honestly, watch both, they had a weird vibe going on this morning. Patrick Brewer was definitely flirting with the new guy.

6 0 11

molly  
@alittlebito'gatsby

You can tell that Patrick Brewer is a meteorologist because that ass is out of this world.

11:20 PM · Sep 10, 2018

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**22** Retweets **19** Quote Tweets **171** Likes

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shivani  
Replying to @alittlebito'gatsby

That’s not what meteorologist is… you do know that right?

16 3 89

Carter 🐝  
@carterbee

Admitting that you find the presenter from a rival news station hot on live television is big dick energy.

11:28 AM · Sep 10, 2018

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maggie :) 💕 🏳️🌈 🌸  
@victorgarberstan

Okay but the eye candy on the Elmdale weather report this morning?? The sweet garbage coming out of his mouth… he definitely speaks my language. 😩 🍆 💦 

11:28 AM · Sep 10, 2018

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Elmdale Morning Weather  
@Elmdale_News_Weather

its cute tht Patrick Brewer thinks u dont need sunscreen this week. looking at ur pasty complexon gives me the impresssion that you might need to lather it on thick, otherwise youre going to get burned

2:54 PM · Sep 10, 2018

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**105** Retweets **109** Quote Tweets **702** Likes

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Patrick Brewer  
Replying to @Elmdale_News_Weather

Nice to meet you, David Rose 😉

92 29 401

***

David wakes up the next morning with a banging headache, and the sound of his incessantly beeping alarm on his phone carving a hole in his skull. He flails, snoozing it, and moans low and childishly into his pillow as he starts to get his limbs to respond.

He has a quick shower, does his skin routine, brushes his teeth, and is just checking his phone when he notices the impossibly high number of notifications.

“Oh, God,” he murmurs, one hand going up to his face as he scrolls. “Oh no, oh my God, Stevie--” he yells. “Oh, I am dead, I am _dead_ dead. Stevie!”

“What are you yelling about?” Stevie asks, arriving at the bathroom door. She’s still in her pyjamas, and scrubs one hand over her face as she peers up at him through tired eyes. “It’s way too early for your amateur dramatics--”

“Look at this. Look at what we did!” David exclaims, thrusting his phone in her face with wide, urgent eyes.

Stevie takes a minute to read it, and her face twists into an amused smile. “I’m sorry, what _we_ did? I think you’ll find that it looks like it was all you.”

“You’re the one who got me drunk _and_ high on a Tuesday afternoon. Oh my God, how am I going to explain this to Wendy? I attacked a guy on the _official_ account! She only gave me access to that yesterday and she told me to be ‘fleeting’ with my use of it. This is not being fleeting, Stevie. This is being--”

“Oh my God, stop. It’s not a big deal, David,” Stevie interrupts, reaching out to grab at his arms and stop his flailing. “A bit of friendly rivalry between two different channels will bring in a lot of new viewers. She’ll probably love it.”

David stares back at her, his hand on his hip and a judgemental expression on his face.

“She is definitely _not_ going to love it.”

***

“Oh, David! I love it! A bit of back and forth, and some flirty rivalry. Nothing better to bring the viewers in. How did you convince Patrick to do it with you?”

David scowls at Wendy’s enthusiasm as he follows her through the studio, an apology coffee in his hands which he guesses she doesn’t need anymore. It’s a shame she uses so much hazelnut syrup in her drinks, otherwise he would take it for himself.

“Well, I think there’s been a few crossed wires. You see, I _didn’t_ ask Patrick to do it--”

“Oh, it was his idea? Well, that’s a shame, but I have to say it’s worked so far. Ted’s segment had almost double the normal number of viewers, and they are certainly not here for his puns, I can promise you that.”

“What does that--”

“Look, David. What’s done is done, now I just need you to go out there and sell it.”

David frowns, but nods slowly. “You want me to _sell_ it. You mean- You want me to bite back at him?”

“Well, I think you already did that,” Wendy replies, waving her phone at him, the bedazzled chain bouncing off her hand as she does so. “Just go out there and continue to be your usual charming self, and hey, if it comes naturally, throw in a quip or two about your new colleague.”

“Okay, would we say colleague? I mean, he works for a competitor, so surely he’s my rival?”

Wendy looks at him with a sympathetic face that David is not enjoying; her head tilted to one side and a small smile on her lips as she shakes her head. “You do whatever comes naturally to you, dear. Now, you’ve got five minutes until your first slot. You might want to go and get ready.”

David pulls a face and huffs, but heads in the direction of his set. He waits offstage until he’s ushered up into place and the news anchor Ted turns to him with an expectant look.

“Good morning. Heading straight into the report. It looks like it’ll continue to be relatively warm over the course of the next few days. Low cloud coverage in parts but mainly sunny and dry. A few patches of rain over Elmington, though I think we all know who’s to blame for that.”

David makes a pointed look at the camera and hopes that Patrick Brewer is reading his message loud and clear.

“I would suggest making the most of the sunny weather with some tanning oil and peace and quiet. Of course, I’m afforded neither of those luxuries, but follow your bliss, I guess,” he gets off track a little and snaps back into it, finishing the report with moderate levels of success and only a scant number of slip ups when the script roll moves too quickly, or he struggles with his short sightedness.

Finally, he reaches the end, but he makes sure to add just one extra line to the report for the audience’s benefit.

“This was the Elmdale Morning News weather report, come to us if you’re looking for someone with a little more finesse than just the boring numbers guy.”

David can see Wendy smiling and silently clapping to his left, so he lets just the sliver of a smirk escape as the attention is refocused over on the actual news.

She immediately approaches him as he steps away to take a gulp of water and shake the tension out of his arms, her hands outstretched towards him with both her thumbs up. “I knew you could do it, David. This is going to be excellent for our ratings.

“Mm, we’ll see,” David brushes off, taking another sip and half listening to Ted’s report on some regional hockey event. “It wasn’t too mean?”

“Definitely not. I see great things, David. Great things!”

***

Elmdale Morning Weather  
@Elmdale_News_Weather

You heard it here first! Tune in to Elmdale Morning News Weather Report to get more than just a numbers guy.

11:01 PM · Sep 11, 2018

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**2** Retweets **61** Quote Tweets **100** Likes

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Patrick Brewer  
Replying to @Elmdale_News_Wearther

Sure, I'll be the numbers guy if you give me yours? 😏

2 2 2

***

It goes on from there; small quips about each other every so often during their respective reports. David gains almost three thousand followers over the course of the next few days which he honestly finds borderline offensive considering his past life had him running in celebrity circles. He decides not to dwell on it.

He gets better; stops tripping up on the script and even manages to personalise his segment a little.

From the interactions he has online he seems to be relatively popular, though no more than Patrick Brewer, whose sassy comments have made him trend twice in the Greater Elm Area over the last month, once for his initial comment about David, and then alongside “numbers guy” which prompted him to become something of a local legend in the area.

David has stopped letting it bother him for the most part; usually sticking to tiny comebacks and trying to take the upper hand.

It’s one morning in September that it happens again.

David is on his final segment of the morning, looking forward to going home and napping before the regular drop in back to Schitt’s Creek for the family barbecue in the evening.

“We’re looking at overall sunshine and blue skies, with low levels of humidity meaning a very dry couple of days,” he says, pointing flawlessly at the green screen behind him and smiling his winning smile at the camera.

“So, yes, plenty to look forward to over the weekend. I’d suggest that you make the most of the last of the hot season before we start descending into the colder months. As for me, I’m literally going to inhale the next bratwurst I come across, so- that’s something I just said, on the air--”

David can hear the cameramen snigger as his slot finishes, but he lets it slide off his back, smiling good naturedly as he goes for his check in with Wendy before he’s able to head home for the day.

When he can’t find her on the floor, he heads back to where he knows her office is, knocking thrice on the open door with his knuckles and stepping inside.

“Hi, was there anything--” David trails off as he spots the TV in the corner of her room which usually displays the broadcast as it happens, but today is showing a different channel.

He bites back his scowl as he spots Patrick Brewer on the screen. He’s wearing his usual light blue shirt, the cuffs rolled up to his elbows as he uses those impressive forearms to gesture to the board behind him.

“Oh, hi, David. I was just checking how he’s going to respond,” Wendy says mindlessly as she spots him in the doorway.

“Responds to what?”

_“That’s all for today, folks. I can’t say my plans are as interesting as David’s but hey, maybe if he’s available we could, uh, follow up on that?”_

The recording of Patrick winks, badly, and grins as the camera pans back to the anchor on his channel. Wendy is laughing and shaking her head as David silently seethes.

“This little arrangement of yours is working out wonderfully, David. You must make sure you respond to this on social media,” she says, spinning her chair to face him and propping her elbows up on the desk.

“Oh, I don’t think that’s--”

Wendy pulls a face, and David sighs, tipping his head back in frustration.

“Fine, I will- tweet something, at him. Don’t expect it to be civil, though.”

Wendy is silent for a moment, looking at David with far too much curiosity in her expression. “You might want to consider just once, David, that the whole world isn’t out to get you,”

He nods silently and looks down at his feet.

“Hey, good job today. I’m very impressed by all the progress you’ve made so far.”

This makes David smile just slightly and he wiggles his shoulders to brush off the compliment. “Well, thank you. Um, I’ll see you on Monday?”

“Have a good weekend, David. And think about what I’ve said?”

David nods one final time before he’s out of the door and into the weekend.

***

When he arrives at the motel that afternoon, David immediately regrets showing up at all.

Alexis is already there waiting for him, and the look on Stevie’s face means that they have been talking, which is never a good sign, as he is corralled over to the picnic table in a flurry of loose wristed waves and chatter.

He loses sight of Stevie who heads over to the barbecue already set up, most likely to save the sliders from his Dad’s embarrassing lack of cooking skills.

“Oh my God, David, you like completely caught the attention of that little button.”

“Are we really talking about work right now?” David asks as he slips into his seat, eyes immediately zeroing in on the various side dishes plated in front of him which must have come from the Schitt’s, though he can’t see any sign of their presence. Small blessings.

“Um, yes, David. We’re really talking about work.”

“Oh, you didn’t get fired again did you, dear? I’ve told you before, you should get that attitude of yours under control else a whole plethora of opportunities will simply slide through your fingers such as these!” Moira says.

“Nice to see you too,” David sasses, rolling his eyes. “And no, I haven’t gotten fired yet. It’s just some stupid rivalry with another weatherman.”

“It’s not a rivalry, David. The man flirts at you on live television at every opportunity,” Alexis responds.

“Um, what would you know about it?”

“I watch all the reports, dummy. He mentions you like, every other day.”

“Since when have you watched the news?”

“Um, since I got abducted by Somali Pirates and thought that they were like, the Pirates of the Caribbean or something. Ever since then I have the belief that you should stay updated with the news,” Alexis says, looking far too proud of herself considering the circumstances.

“Oh, and are any of those in the area?” David asks, waving his hands around and smirking when Alexis pulls a face at him.

“What is the name of this new antagonistic adversary of yours, David?”

“His name is Patrick, and I would appreciate it If we ended this discussion here.”

“Oh, really?” Stevie asks, coming up behind David with a plate of sliders, Johnny following her with repeated warnings about dropping them. “That’s strange, because I feel like Patrick Brewer has been the topic of _literally_ every conversation we have ever since you got that job.”

David levels a glare at her and sniffs, grabbing a slider from the plate before she manages to pull them away. “I’m sorry? Am I not allowed to talk about my job anymore?”

He looks around as his parents, Alexis, and Stevie all just nod.

“What?” he exclaims, as they continue to look at each other knowingly.

“Nothing, you just seem a little flustered is all,” Stevie replies, sitting next to him and carefully spooning pasta salad onto her plate.

“Yeah, your face is like, super red, just here,” Alexis adds, reaching across the table to ‘boop’ David on the nose patronisingly. “It’s cute.”

“It’s not- why would it be cute. There’s nothing- I’m--”

“Oh my God, you’re going like _beet_ red, what happened to you?”

“Stop it. Nothing! Can we just eat, please?”

His family pull faces, but they do finally give in, recentring their attention on Alexis’ college degree and the recent drama with the motel.

It’s nice to be here with them again, and David actually finds himself enjoying the late evening sunshine as he eats charred meat with his family, not that he would ever admit that to anyone else.

The rest of the evening goes better than expected. With both David and Stevie having had too much to drink to drive home to Elmdale that night, David curls up in the single bed, a metre away from where his sister is mouth breathing in her sleep beside him.

He pulls his phone out, and on the precipice of sleep, fumbles out a message to post to twitter.

David Rose  
@davidrose

@patrickbrewer you should be so lucky.

11:01 PM · Sep 21, 2018

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**89** Retweets **70** Quote Tweets **601** Likes

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Patrick Brewer  
Replying to @davidrose

Oh, should I? Maybe you could tell me more about that over a drink?

92 51 208

***

_“Good morning everyone. Going straight into the report for today, it’s looking like a relatively sunny morning, though there will be a few outbreaks of rain in parts thanks to the oncoming winter months.”_

“Are you really watching this again, David?” Stevie asks from where she’s lingering in the doorway of his bedroom.

_“It’s looking like a dry night tonight, however, which is good news for all of you looking forward to Halloween, chilly but dry, and minimal to no cloud coverage so overall it’s looking like a great opportunity for some seasonal celebration.”_

“It’s research, it’s for work.”

“Watching Patrick’s weather reports is not research, David. It’s what is commonly referred to as a crush.”

“Yes, I am looking for ways to _crush_ him in this little battle that we’re having.”

Stevie looks blankly at him, and almost disappointed expression on her face. “For such a pretty face there really is nothing going on up there, huh?”

“Don’t think I didn’t just catch you calling me pretty,” David croons from where he is lying on his side on the bed and clicks to pause the video on his laptop. He had missed a bit of what Patrick had been saying due to the unwelcome interruption. “Can I help you with something?”

“Yes, actually,” Stevie holds up two hangers with outfits on that she had been hiding behind her back. “What do you think, black cat, or lumberjack?”

David blinks. “Stevie, those are just your normal clothes.”

“Okay? What’s your point?”

“You can’t just wear your normal clothes to a Halloween party. You’re meant to wear a costume. How- How is this any different to what you usually wear?”

“Well, what are you dressing as?”

“The 2014 Givenchy fall collection,” David says, shuddering. “Being unable to buy new collection designer clothes is like, the scariest thing I could think of.”

“David?”

“Hmm?”

“ _You_ can’t afford new collection designer clothes.”

David pouts and rolls onto his back slightly in a huff. “I know, and it’s a nightmare,” he whines dramatically, ignoring Stevie’s huff. “I don’t know why we have to go to this party anyway. It’s not like we’re regulars in Schitt’s Creek anymore.”

“We go to the café three meals a week, spend weekends there with your family- I _work_ there, David. How separated from the town do you think we are?”

“I like to imagine that we have moved on to bigger and brighter things, so could you please stop pulling me back into reality?”

“Twyla will notice if we aren’t there,” Stevie says, huffing. “Now, what are we going to wear?”

“Correction, Twyla will notice if _you_ are not there,” David says, holding a finger up in disagreement. “and matching leather jackets, we can say we’re part of a biker gang.”

“Cat biker gang?” Stevie asks, holding up the cat ear headband from her previous suggestion. “The furry bikers.”

“Okay, the furry bikers sounds like we’re mouldy old men or something. Do you even have a second one of those?”

“No. Leather jackets it is,” Stevie says, throwing her previous options down on the floor in the doorway of David’s room and stalking off somewhere.

“Stevie?” David shouts. “Stevie, don’t just leave them there!”

He clicks play on the video again, trying to distract himself, but finds he can’t stop peeking over at the crumpled clothes in the corner. After about five minutes, he gives up, clambering off the bed and scooping them up, before heading in the search of Stevie.

***

A few short hours later, they arrive at the Café, dressed to the nine’s and ready for the Halloween party. Twyla meets them at the door, the ripped clothes of her zombie costume making both David and Stevie’s eyes widen in surprise, though for drastically different reasons.

“Hi, I’m so glad you made it!”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world. You look great,” Stevie responds, her eyes dropping slowly down and then back up Twyla’s body with obvious interest.

“Thank you so much, you do too! Danny Zuko, right?” she asks, pointing at David.

“I’ll take it,” he murmurs. “Hey, Twyla, where’s the booze?”

“Table is just over there, help yourself,” she says, pointing over to the bar which has been set up with various alcohol bottles and plastic cups ready to be served.

“Thank you so much,” David replies, stepping past the two women who have become increasingly entranced with each other and clearly not paying him any more attention.

David picks through the bowl of ice, dropping the largest cubes into a plastic cup and poking around the spirits with interest.

“What’s your poison?”

David turns to find a man, slightly shorter than him, with brown hair and eyes smirking from his right. He’s wearing a tight fitting blue button-down, showing off substantial shoulders and pecs that David can’t help but enjoy the sight of even as his mind is running in circles trying to work out who this man is.

It takes him a moment to register, but when he realises who he’s looking at his mouth drops open in surprise.

“Oh my God,” he mutters.

“Hello, David.”

“What are you--?” David turns to look around them, but nobody is coming to his recuse. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, it’s a party, so I was intending on getting relatively drunk, dancing a bit, having fun, and then going home.”

“To Elmington?”

“Well, I have a ride organised, I need to be back and ready for work tomorrow. But I’m glad to see you--”

“Okay, so- I mean, it sounds like you have a pretty busy evening planned. With your- friend, and your ride, so I am going to--” David looks around again. “Oh, look. I should probably go talk to my sister. So, I’ll leave you to your--”

“David?”

“Mhm?”

“Your drink is empty.”

David turns back around to find Patrick waving a bottle of vodka at him teasingly. “Yeah, mhm,” he holds out his cup, and watches as Patrick pours a substantial amount into his cup. “What are you dressed as, anyway?”

“Oh, I’m dressed as a weatherman.”

David freezes for a moment in horror, and then shakes his head. “Yep,” he says, finally. “Yeah, that’s enough of you. Nice to meet you, Patrick.”

“I’ll be seeing you around, David.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.”

David takes a moment to be relieved that his back is turned away from Patrick when the inevitable smile grows on his face.

***

The next day, David wakes up to the beeping of his alarm, alerting him to the need to get ready to go to work. He groans and grabs the phone off his nightstand, wincing at the bright light it emits as he peers up at the screen.

263-720-3747  
  
**Today** 2:57 AM  
hay dDavid it was nice to meet you tognight. do you ride a motorbike?  
brum brum  


“What the fuck?” he mutters to himself.

263-720-3747  
  
**Today** 2:57 AM  
hay dDavid it was nice to meet you tognight. do you ride a motorbike?  
brum brum  
**Today** 7:32 AM  
who is this?  


It takes a few more minutes to receive a response, and David switches between apps, thankfully finding that he didn’t do anything embarrassing while drunk the night before. Except, apparently, spend an extortionate amount on an uber back to Elmdale which he’s lucky he has a salary to pay for considering everything.

Having woken up in his double bed at home and not the motel nor a stranger’s bed, he can’t bring himself to regret that decision.

263-720-3747  
  
**Today** 7:40 AM  
Oh, God, I’m so sorry, David. It’s Patrick, this girl gave me your number and I must have texted you.  
yes and called me 8 times  
I'm so sorry. I'm so embarrassed.  
two of them are facetime requests and i'm kind of regretting missing them  
I was not at my best, it's a good thing you didn't pick up.  
what did the girl look like?  
What girl?  
the one who gave you my number  
was she short and demonic looking?  
Uh, no, she was dressed the same as you, though.  


David sighs and flops back on the pillows, pulling his sheets up past his chest and balancing his phone in front of him.

263-720-3747  
  
**Today** 7:57 AM  
that will be my roommate stevie  
i'm sorry you had to experience the pleasure of her company  
Yeah, she wasn't the person I was hoping to spend time with last night.  


David isn’t sure how to respond to that, and he’s too exhausted to come up with something witty, so he just screws his mouth up and leaves the message on read.

He heaves himself out of bed, thankful that he had the forward planning to head home last night so he doesn’t have to rush to work and takes a long shower. He scrubs his hair with his hands, lathering up as much of the soap and conditioner than he can before rinsing off, watching the bubbles sink down the drain with a sigh.

David manages to make himself look pretty presentable considering everything, and croons into work with a skip in his step. He bats off a few texts from Stevie who had never made it home last night, choosing instead to ‘sleep on Twyla’s couch’, whatever that means.

“Oh, there you are David. You’re on in ten,” one of the stage managers says as he breezes in.

He nods, places his bag down in the corner, and steps up to his little podium with a smile already on his face.

_“Next up is our daily weather report with David Rose- David?”_

“Good morning to you all. Let’s take a look at the forecast for this week.”

He rattles off the script with no difficulty, not bothering to add anything until he gets to the very end, where he looks directly at the camera with a small smirk on his face.

“As I’ve said, pretty average weather for the first of November. Chilly with some cloud coverage, but no rain, perfect to stay in bed all day and nurse a hangover, which I’m sure a lot of you are doing. In particular Patrick Brewer, who, if you look carefully, I’m sure you will find him looking _very_ rough in this morning’s report. But that’s what you get for mixing your drinks, folks.”

***

Lily  
@lilyofthevalley

Oh, they fucked.

11:00 AM · Nov 1, 2018

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**2** Retweets **9** Quote Tweets **27** Likes

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* * *

Tobias Right  
Replying to @lilyofthevalley

They definitely fucked.

6 1 11

* * *

Dan  
Replying to @lilyofthevalley

It's cute that you think he would look that good after a night with Patrick Brewer.

20 7 29

* * *

Sara  
Replying to @lilyofthevalley

Can we not speculate about people's private lives, please?

16 0 1

s a m  
@samtheWOman

omg do you think they wore matching Halloween costumes?

11:04 PM · Nov 1, 2018

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**2** Retweets **9** Quote Tweets **7** Likes

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molly  
Replying to @samtheWOman

Patrick went as sunshine and David went as a raincloud

5 4 30

Danielle  
@dani_harper

The weather forecast with Patrick Brewer and he is looking VERY rough. Makes me wonder how David knew? 😏 💦 ?

11:34 AM · Nov 1, 2018

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**19** Retweets **6** Quote Tweets **69** Likes

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****

betsy 🦝   
@ipaintedthemonalisa

Screw Romeo and Juliet, all I care about is David and Patrick.

11:34 AM · Nov 1, 2018

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**40** Retweets **28** Quote Tweets **158** Likes

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****

paige  
@parksanddiaz

Is this the first time David has said Patrick’s name on the air? Is he finally going to ADMIT his LOVE for Patrick??

11:35 AM · Nov 1, 2018

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**19** Retweets **8** Quote Tweets **103** Likes

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***

patrick brewer (worst enemy)  
  
**Today** 11:40 AM  
Ouch, that was a low blow, David.  
i haven't actually seen your report yet  
is it as bad as im imagining?  
IMG_5271.jpg  
What's the verdict?  
what are you talking about? you look good  
You think I look good?  
you look fine  
like passable  
i wouldn't run screaming  
You wouldn't kick me out of the bed?  
yes  
no  
i don't know what im meant to say to that  
You've told me all I needed to know.  
Now, I have to go and try to rebuild my reputation as the second hottest weatherman in the Greater Elm area.  
oh yeah? whos number one?  
Well, Ray did a lot of weather presenting when he first started, so...  
are you really saying im less attractive than ray?  
patrick?  
i need an answer to that  


David huffs and puts his phone back in his bag, turning to look around the busy studio. He has another segment in just under half an hour, once Ted has finished interviewing the organisers of the local trade fair.

While he’s waiting, he scrolls twitter absentmindedly. He laughs softly at a few of the lewder responses to this morning’s report and likes a few of the compliments, all the while listening with one ear to the conversation taking place only a few steps away.

Elmington News Weather  
@The_Elmington_Weather

As we head into the colder months it’s a neck and neck race between which weather reporter is going to be keeping us warm through winter. Voice your opinions below!

12:01 PM · Nov 1, 2018

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**0** Retweets **1** Quote Tweets **2** Likes

* * *

David screws up his mouth and hesitates, before quickly typing a reply before he can change his own mind.

Elmington News Weather  
@The_Elmington_Weather

As we head into the colder months it’s a neck and neck race between which weather reporter is going to be keeping us warm through winter. Voice your opinions below!

12:01 PM · Nov 1, 2018

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**19** Retweets **30** Quote Tweets **96** Likes

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* * *

David Rose  
Replying to @davidrose

would we consider it counterproductive for me to vote for my competitor?

0 0 0

* * *

He spots his notifications flagging up quickly, but he switches off his screen and refocuses himself on the interview happening in front of him. The woman is talking about some local business festival taking place in Elmdale the following weekend for all the Greater Elms to travel to, with live music and food.

“So, there will be plenty of local restaurants and tradespeople at the event; plenty of fast food but some local delicacies as well, we’re working really hard to map out the best areas in the local industry.”

“And you said that there would be live music?”

“There will be a small stage in the centre of the fair for amateur performers to use, as well as some small fair rides for the kids, photobooths, and the like.”

“Well, Brenda, this sound like it’s going to be a fantastic event. Would you say that is a _fair_ assumption?”

The woman being interviewed smiles politely at Ted’s pun even as David rolls his eyes. “It definitely will be.”

David lingers on the thought for a second, but his mouth is already watering at the very thought of loaded fries and poutine that will no doubt be sold. He pulls his phone back out to send a quick text to Stevie.

Stevie Budd (roomhate)  
  
**Today** 12:20 PM  
we have plans this weekend  
oh, do we now? that's presumptuous  
either you come with me to this, or i give you a hard time about giving my number to patrick brewer  
(thanks for that by the way)  
you're so welcome  
where are we going?  


***

Three days later finds David wrestling a half asleep Stevie out of the apartment and into the car park.

“Are you seriously not telling me where we’re going?” Stevie asks as David corrals her into her own car just a few days later. She has sunglasses pushed onto her face and the largest coffee they sell in one hand as she curls up in the front seat with a huff. “I miss when you used to not be a morning person.”

“I’m still not a morning person.”

“Then what are we doing up and out of the house at--” Stevie checks her phone. “It’s not even ten! And it’s a Saturday!”

“Okay, I promise you this is worth it.”

“Nothing is worth this. Nothing.”

“Will you settle down if I tell you where we’re going?” David asks as he starts the car and pulls out of their private parking area around the back of their apartment.

“Probably not, depends if you want to risk my rage.”

“Mm, that’s a good point,” David replies, staying silent.

“David?”

“Hm?”

“Oh my God,” Stevie groans. “Where are we going?”

“Actually, we are already here,” David replies, pointing to the sign as he pulls into a temporary car park on the road out of Elmdale.

“What- that’s--” Stevie looks around in confusion. “Why did we not just walk?”

“You really think you would have agreed to walk anywhere this early in the morning?” David asks. “Getting you in the car was hard enough. Also, I’m going to need the car to carry back all the food that I will be buying.”

“Is this a market?” Stevie asks. She actually seems quite intrigued now that they’re here, and David pulls into a parking space, turning off the engine.

“It’s like, a local trade fair. It has lots of independent businesses, and live music--”

“David Rose going to listen to live, amateur music? You’ll have to do better than that.”

“Okay so there was this woman talking about it at work the other day, and they have _so much_ food. Like so much, and I couldn’t resist.”

“Do you reckon they have drink?”

“I mean- I would assume yes?” David asks, clambering out of the car in pursuit of his best friend who has already scrambled out of her seat at the very notion of there being alcohol nearby. “I’m not sure, though.”

“Have I ever told you I love you?” Stevie asks over the roof of the car.

“You know, I don’t think you have--”

“And I never will. But what I will do, is buy you a _foot long bratwurst,_ and get incredibly drunk with you at midday on a Saturday.”

David pretends to ponder her offer, but he’s grinning all the while. “I could be amenable to those terms.”

They smile at each other for another moment before they finally set off into the main part of the market. Stevie loops her arm through David’s allowing them both control over the direction that they’re heading in.

There are local products to peruse, some hand carved wooden sculptures, and candles which draw David’s focus. He has to make several trips back to the car to drop off his many purchases before they finally head down towards the food section, the smell of charred meat making both David and Stevie lift their noses in the air comically.

“Oh my God, look at that,” David says, tugging Stevie across the aisle in the direction of a burger stand, placed right next door to a home brewed beer stand.

“Divide and conquer?” Stevie suggests, and David nods mindlessly, his eyes already trained directly on the grill.

Once David has been fed, and Stevie in on her third plastic cup of beer, they wander in the direction of the centre, where a small wooden stage has been erected for the amateur performers to sing their songs or whatever other awful things they might be doing.

“Ugh, let’s move on. Ooh- let’s go down there, I think I can see a cookie dough stand--” David suggests, pointing just past the small crowd that has gathered and already going to head off in that direction.

Stevie’s hand on his arm stops him in his tracks.

“Wha--”

“David, look,” Stevie says, nodding in the direction of the stage, which is exactly what David had been trying _not_ to look at. But now that he’s being forced--

Already stood there, in front of the microphone, is Patrick Brewer.

He’s wearing a more casual look than David has ever seen on him before; a thick cable knitted sweater and jeans, with chunky brown boots on his feet. He even has a knitted hat pulled on over his just slightly curling brown hair, which David tries not to give too much attention lest he get distracted from the horrifying nature of the situation.

“My God--"

Patrick is strumming his guitar and looking down at his hands as he gets comfortable on stage, and finally looks up towards the audience.

“Hi, it’s great to see you all here,” he says into the small microphone. “Um, a few of you might recognise me from your TV screens in the morning, but I’m- uh, I’m here to do something a little different. I’m actually going to sing a song, and hopefully you will all enjoy it, and not boo me off stage, or stop watching my weather report.”

He earns a couple of laughs from the audience in response to that, and strums again.

“This song is by the Weather Girls, so, it seemed appropriate. I hope you enjoy.”

“Oh no, he isn’t--” David murmurs, holding his hands over his face as Stevie sniggers uncontrollably next to him. “Oh no--”

_“Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low. According to all sources, the street's the place to go. Cause tonight for the first time. Just about half-past ten. For the first time in history. It's gonna start raining men.”_

David can’t do anything to stop the laugh that’s bubbling up in his chest from bursting out as Patrick sings a flawless acoustic composition of one of the most mismatched songs he’s ever witnessed.

Around halfway through, it seems Patrick spots him in the crowd, as his face suddenly morphs into an excited grin and he directs the rest of the song right in David’s direction.

David can’t even bring it upon himself to be embarrassed as people start peering around to look at him. Patrick’s voice is lovely and raspy, a beautiful sound as it is, and combined with the laughter and energy he’s exerting for the song, David can’t bring himself to tamper down the joy.

So, he just smiles back, and if it’s possible, Patrick looks even more pleased.

_“It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen! I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get, Absolutely soaking wet!”_

The audience starts clapping along and David joins casually, rolling his eyes but tucking the leaflets he had been carrying under his arm to give him room to join in.

_“It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen! It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men!”_

The area erupts in amused applause, clapping and cheering which Patrick accepts with slightly blushing cheeks and a tiny bow.

Stevie uses her fingers to whistle loudly which it seems Patrick catches as he lifts one hand and waves directly in their direction.

He hesitates before getting off stage, leaning over to the microphone.

“I hope you enjoyed that, David Rose.”

***

The days get colder, and the nights get longer, and still, they seem to continue this teasing game. It’s a couple of months later that David mentions Patrick again in a report.

The previous day he had done the report wearing a warm, All Saints sweater (it’s December and it’s fucking cold, sue him), and Patrick had immediately made a comment about the lack of seasonal dress.

And so, on Christmas Eve, David finds himself standing in front of the cameras in a glittery striped sweater, and immediately opening with this:

“Good morning. Before we start with the weather, I just wanted to draw attention to my outfit, as apparently my lack of festive clothing has been noted,” David holds out his arms to display the sweater with an even look. “This coming from a man who has literally worn fifty blue shirts over the last few months.”

Of course, his comeback doesn’t come unchallenged, and as soon as David has finished his report, he checks his phone.

Patrick Brewer  
@patrickbrewer

Trying something a little different for my report this morning. Happy holidays everyone!

10:52 AM · Dec 24, 2018

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**59** Retweets **69** Quote Tweets **638** Likes

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David Rose  
Replying to @patrickbrewer

oh, hello, does this come in an adult size?

99 90 232

* * *

Patrick Brewer  
Replying to @davidrose

A little bit more to your tastes, David?

50 30 129

* * *

David Rose  
Replying to @patrickbrewer

I don’t know, it’s winter and those buttons are just holding on for dear life. Won’t you get cold?

91 28 102

* * *

Patrick Brewer  
Replying to @davidrose

I run hot, and there are plenty of things you can do to increase body heat.

92 60 200

* * *

David Rose  
Replying to @patrickbrewer

I think I’ll stick to my sweaters, thanks.

50 2 86

* * *

Despite his attitude online, as soon as David gets home, he finds himself absentmindedly turning the TV to the Elmington station to catch the last few minutes of his report.

“Keep your hands where I can see them,” Stevie says, appearing suddenly out from her bedroom.

David startles and holds his hand over his chest in surprise. “Oh my God, what?”

“Just checking you hadn’t started jerking off to Patrick’s broadcast,” Stevie replies with an evil smirk. “Move your feet.”

She shoves at him until he finally moves to allow her enough room to sit next to him. She whistles lowly at the TV and nudges David’s arm.

“When are you going to tap that?”

“Ew, don’t talk about him like that.”

Stevie stares at David blankly for a moment as if confused. “I’m sorry, but have you not said _much_ worse thing to the man himself? Online, for the whole world to see?”

“What? No, I just- It’s like a friendly rivalry, to boost the number of viewers on the show. It’s all just for show.”

“You are kidding, right?”

David stays silent.

“David?”

“Wh-at?” David groans as Stevie knocks him again, pulling his attention away from where Patrick has just appeared on screen. Those buttons really are clinging on for dear life, and he’s curious for a moment how much strength it would take to pop them, and reveal the smooth skin of his chest underneath--

“You’re ridiculous. Are you drooling?”

“Ew, no, I don’t drool,” David says, finally shoving her back, and fighting the urge to raise a hand to his mouth to check. “What do you want from me here?”

“I just want you to admit that you have a crush on Patrick Brewer.”

“I most certainly do not. He is a colleague.”

“He works for a different station."

“Well, we have the same job. That’s basically not allowed.”

Stevie lets out a long sigh of frustration and turns back to look at the screen. “He is attractive, though.”

David hums in agreement and finally lets a smile out of the corner of his mouth. “Mhm, he definitely is.”

They’re pulled away from their moment by the ping of his phone in his pocket, which David tugs out with a little effort (he’s wearing his tightest jeans, but not to impress anyone.)

Patrick Brewer  
  
**Today** 1:58 PM  
Real thoughts on the shirt?  
It's new.  
its tight!  
youre lucky you have nice arms, so the fit actually works in your favour  
You think I'm fit?  
i said the fit of the shirt  
Yeah, right after you said that you had noticed my arms  
i didnt notice your arms  
No?  
That's a shame, because I definitely noticed something in those jeans you wore today. They were practically spray painted on.  


“Oh my God, David,” Stevie mutters, and David jumps as he finds her leaning over his shoulder to read his messages. “You are so gone.”

“I’m not- I’m not _gone,_ it’s just _teasing,_ ” he explains, yanking his whole body away from her. “It’s friendly- we’re friendly.”

“Friends who appreciate each other’s bodies?”

“I wasn’t appreciating- I- he was the one who said- he started it--”

Stevie snorts again, but she shuffles down to lean her head on David’s shoulder, and doesn’t try to turn off the report, so David accepts the truce for what it is.

“I don’t--” David starts after a few minutes. “I don’t _not_ like him.”

“Mm?”

“I’m just not at a point in my life where I’m able to- or ready to--” he trails off.

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, but I just,” Stevie shifts to peer up at him, uncharacteristic concern etched onto her face. “It would be nice to see you happy, like _genuinely_ happy in a relationship for once. From what I’ve heard they’ve all kind of been--”

“Something from a horror film?”

“Something like that. If you have a chance to have a healthy relationship with a _nice_ guy, why wouldn’t you?”

“Why are you so certain that Patrick Brewer is the one that would make that happen?”

David feels Stevie shrug against him and holds his breath to await her judgement. “I’m not. But you never know until you at least give him a chance, and- he seems to really, genuinely like you.”

“I--”

“Just don’t leave him hanging for too long, alright?”

David lets the tension drain out of his shoulders and sighs. “Okay,” he murmurs.

***

Despite his promise to Stevie, a few more months pass, and nothing develops between him and Patrick.

Sure, they text every other day or so, and they still dig at each other online.

In an uncharacteristic display of sweetness, Patrick actually apologised once, thinking his joke about David’s curly hair proving how humid it was outside might have hurt his feelings.

But despite it all, David can’t seem to bring himself to make any sort of move that would make him vulnerable.

It’s a cold and rainy morning in February, and David is at work, as always. He’s wearing a black sweater with a heart over the front, an uncharacteristic celebration of the holiday as he waits for his segment of the morning news.

Finally, the camera in front of him lights up, and he plasters on his usual cheerful smile.

“Good morning, and Happy Valentine’s Day to those of you who are celebrating,” he starts, holding his hands in front of him. “Let’s look at the weather on this blessed day.”

He turns slightly to his left and goes through his usual spiel.

“I’m afraid it looks like it will be raining pretty steadily all the way through the day, which might put a dampener on any outdoor plans you might have. However, it is also the perfect excuse to stay in, whack on a romantic comedy, and curl up for the evening.”

He runs through the rest of the forecast, finally coming to an end, and giving a winning smile as he adds one final remark.

“And to those who don’t have anyone to celebrate with today, then I guess you’re _my_ Valentine. Gifts and flowers can be sent to the studio and I will accept any and all forms of sweet treat as an automatic marriage proposal. I hope you have a wonderful rest of the day.”

David isn’t particularly surprised by the barrage of tweets that arrive in response to that, and he spends the next few hours scrolling through them, a smile etched on his face all the while.

s a m  
@samtheWOman

Y’all can suck it because David Rose is my valentine today.

11:04 AM · Feb 14, 2019

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**40** Retweets **5** Quote Tweets **88** Likes

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****

shivani  
@sunflowermyeyes

Okay but is he kidding about the flowers and chocolates, because David has literally been brightening up my morning for the last six months and I feel like I should get him something.

11:11 AM · Feb 14, 2019

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**5** Retweets **2** Quote Tweets **48** Likes

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paige  
@parksanddiaz

How can he say he doesn’t have a valentine when Patrick Brewer has been flirting with him consistently since the dawn of time.

11:14 AM · Feb 14, 2019

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**20** Retweets **2** Quote Tweets **50** Likes

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Tim  
@tinytinytim

How does someone as hot as David Rose not have a Valentine?

11:16 PM · Feb 14, 2019

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**6** Retweets **9** Quote Tweets **14** Likes

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Bedward  
Replying to @tinytinytim

I have no clue, but it does make me feel better about my own bereft love life tbh.

2 0 4

Patrick Brewer  
@patrickbrewer

@davidrose what is your favourite kind of flower?

11:58 PM · Feb 14, 2019

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**95** Retweets **109** Quote Tweets **400** Likes

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David Rose  
Replying to @patrickbrewer

whatever type you buy for me

2 2 2

David Rose  
Replying to @patrickbrewer

on second thoughts no carnations

58 20 70

Patrick Brewer  
Replying to @davidrose

Damn, I just put an order in for a thousand carnations delivered straight to your door.

89 91 331

David Rose  
Replying to @patrickbrewer

well, I guess you’ll have to come over and remove them for me, won't you

91 81 405

Patrick Brewer  
Replying to @davidrose

I’ll bring pizza.

1 1 2

David freezes, unsure of where the joke starts and ends, but before he can panic, his phone pings with a text notification.

Patrick  
  
**Today** 1:10 PM  
I was kidding about the carnations, but if you wanted we could get pizza?  
That's assuming you don't already have plans.  
I now realise that just because you said you didn't have plans on the air doesn't mean you actually don't have plans.  
It's fine if you have other plans.  


David finds himself laughing breathlessly at the sudden influx of nervous texts popping up. He thinks on it for a moment, looking around the empty apartment with pursed lips, before responding.

Patrick  
  
**Today** 1:10 PM  
It's fine if you have other plans.  
i dont have plans  
**Today** 1:41 PM  
Great, so, pizza then?  
come here for 8? i can ping you my address  
I'll be there.  


The rest of the afternoon drags slowly. David cleans the apartment from top to bottom, does a load of washing, and paces back and forth for a while before finally giving up and flopping back on the couch with a sigh.

Fortunately, it seems that Patrick is as eager as he is to get the evening started. At half past seven exactly, David hears a knock at the door, and heads over to open it, finding Patrick standing on the doorstep in a deep light blue v-neck sweater, looking sheepish.

“You’re early,” David blurts out, immediately scowling at his own lack of self-control.

“Yeah- I was going to wait in the car, I just was getting some pretty weird looks from this woman, and I thought it would be safer to just head up here.”

“Well, I’m glad you didn’t, I don’t know how I would explain it to your rabid fans if you got murdered in my parking lot.”

“Hearts would be breaking across the whole of the Greater Elm region,” Patrick croons teasingly as David rolls his eyes.

“Um, do you want to come in?” he asks, finally stepping back and making room for Patrick to enter the apartment. “It’s not much, but the couch is comfy, and we could like, put a film on, or something. Stevie has plans with Twyla, so she probably won’t be back to disturb us or anything.”

“Sounds perfect,” Patrick replies, though his cheeks are tinted slightly pink, and he seems almost nervous as they sit on opposite ends of the couch. “I- um, I should order the pizza, huh?”

“Oh, yes, and I will- I will pick a movie?”

Patrick agrees, and David flicks through the options on the TV, his lips pursed in concentration. _Dirty Dancing_ seems a bit presumptive, _Notting Hill_ he’s watched a million times and again, a bit presumptive.

Are there _any_ romantic comedies which won’t make a friendly Valentine’s hang out super awkward?

David considers it for a moment. Finally landing on _You’ve Got Mail._ A Meg Ryan classic, and one that hopefully won’t create too much of an atmosphere due to the fact that the two leads hate each other for most of the film.

“Good choice,” Patrick murmurs as David clicks on it. “Pizza is on its way, should be here in half an hour.”

David nods in confirmation and they start the film. The pizza arrives a short while in, and he manages to focus the whole of his attention on that, and not on the way Patrick is sat close enough that David can feel the warmth radiating from him, but not close enough that they are actually touching.

 _“I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly,”_ Meg Ryan says in the screen, and David lets out a small gasp at the pure romance of the moment.

He’s about to turn to see Patrick’s reaction, but before he can, the heavy weight of Patrick’s head suddenly lands on his shoulder, and the other man lets out a small snuffling snore.

David has to bite his cheeks to stop himself from audibly reacting. Falling asleep during a movie is usually incorrect, but Patrick looks so peaceful, and the sheer fact that he was comfortable enough to do it on David’s shoulder makes him unable to bring himself to wake him.

It’s a vulnerable moment, and David can’t help but relish in the way Patrick’s mouth has dropped open with his snoring, and just a tiny bit of drool has collected in the corner. It’s so different from the cocky, confident man on the screen that David is used to seeing, and it makes something swell in his chest to be allowed to see this side of him.

He shuffles down a little, allowing Patrick to rest a little more comfortably, without bending his neck so much, before carefully reaching for the remote and rewinding the film to where he’d gotten distracted.

Once this film is over, David immediately presses play on _Sleepless in Seattle._ He softly chatters away to Patrick’s sleeping form about the incorrect nature of the film, and the trashy concept of soulmates.

It should be lonely and awkward having his date- his _friend_ literally fall asleep on him during a movie night, but instead it’s just shockingly domestic and comfortable.

And Patrick is easy to talk to when David doesn’t have to worry about those twinkling brown eyes being on him.

That is, until the front door suddenly bangs open, startling the two men and leading to Patrick headbutting David in his panic.

_“Wha-wuz-‘sat?”_

“Shit, sorry,” Stevie says, freezing where she’s stood by the door and looking guiltily over at the couch. “I didn’t know you had plans.”

“I thought you _did_ have plans,” David hisses back, unwilling to break the peaceful feeling from before by using his normal voice. “What are you- What are you doing back so early?”

Stevie shrugs. “Twyla has an early shift tomorrow and we spent most of the day together, so I figured I would come and join you in your little depressing nest. I didn’t realise you already had _company._ ”

She seems to have regained her footing, and the way her eyes are darting between David and Patrick says something about what she thinks she’s walked in on.

“Patrick is here because- we were, watching a _film,_ and--” David is gesturing wildly, a sure sign that he’s nervous, and he can feel the heat on his face which must mean he’s started to go red.

“Hi, I’m Patrick.”

“Ooh, I’m well-aware, we met on Halloween, you were very drunk and kept asking for David's phone number. I’m Stevie,” she responds, her eyes still sparkling. “What are you boys watching?”

_“You’ve got Mail.”_

_“Sleepless in Seattle.”_

They both say at the same time, solidifying their guilt in Stevie’s eyes.

“Crap, did I miss the end of it?” Patrick asks, looking over at the screen.

“Mhm, you were snoring before they even became friends,” David responds, enjoying the way Patrick’s blush is simply growing down his neck, and below the collar of his sweater.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t sleep well, and then- you know how it is, early mornings, so--” Patrick trails off, rubbing a hand against the back of his head, where his hair is ruffled from sleep. “I- uh, I should probably just go. It’s getting late.”

“No, you should stay. You could always stay in David’s--”

“That’s fine,” David interrupts Stevie before she can go any further. “That’s fine. Um, thank you for keeping me company, I guess?”

“You’re welcome. I, um, I had a good time,” Patrick responds, already getting up and collecting his things. He wipes the back of his hand across his mouth, catching the drool, and David watches as his cheeks tint an even darker shade of pink.

David awkwardly leads Patrick out, hearing Stevie’s bedroom door to give them some emblem of privacy. Not that it does much.

They linger for a moment in the doorway, and for a second, David thinks Patrick is going to lean in and kiss him. He sways backwards and forwards on his heels in indecision, staring at David with an unreadable expression on his face.

But he doesn’t. Instead, he smiles softly, lets out a murmured “bye”, and disappears down the corridor toward the stairs

Closing the door, David lets out a sigh, and lightly bangs his head against it. _“Fuck.”_

***

They don’t talk about it.

The next day, Patrick texts David asking which shirt he should wear, and they slip right back into the casual platonic friendship they had been building up over the previous months.

David can’t say he’s not disappointed, but he reckons that Patrick had gotten a taste of what it would be like to date David Rose and decided that a big meal and a nap just weren’t worth the emotional toil of a relationship.

That is, until one text interaction they have as David steps off set after a morning report.

Patrick 🖤  
  
**Today** 10:40 AM  
Hey, David. I have a question for you.  
okay im faintly afraid but go on  
What would you say is your idea of a perfect date?  
weird question but sure, probably around this time of year since it’s warm enough not to need to wear a jacket but cool enough that I can still wear my sweaters  
why do you ask?  
Well  
I was going to ask you if I could take you on one, but now I want to talk about the sweater thing.  
I’ve never seen you wear anything less than a sweater; can I look forward to some upper arm visibility as it gets hotter or are you just teasing me?  
wait go back, you were going to ask me on a date?  
That really shouldn’t be a surprise to you, David. I’ve been trying to date you for the last six months.  
**Today** 11:04 AM  
David?  


David scrambles as he almost drops his phone. He rushes off set, brushing past cameramen and dodging Wendy’s attempts to corral him into a conversation as he heads straight for the door.

“I need a ride,” he says as he finds Stevie waiting for him outside.

“Well, yes, that’s what I’m here for. Though I don’t know why we’re going all the way to Schitt’s Creek when there are perfectly good places to eat here--”

“We’re not going to Schitt’s Creek. I need you to drive me to Elmington.”

Stevie’s face morphs from vaguely annoyed confusion to complete joy and she gapes at him for a moment. “You’re not saying--”

“Okay can I please explain on the way there? I need to--” David makes a shooing motion and Stevie nods, struggling to get her keys out of her pocket and leading them over to her battered up sedan parked by the side of the road.

David clambers in and it’s not until they’re on the highway that he talks.

“Patrick asked me on a date.”

“Really?” Stevie asks, her tone of voice making clear her exasperated amusement at the situation. “And he asked you on a date right now? Right before he starts work?”

“Well, I- No, he just--”

“So, I’m driving you to Elmington so that you can go on this date, like, right now?”

“Um- again, no, I was just--”

“Kind of seems like I’m enabling a grand gesture, David,” Stevie says, smirking at him. “Is this like, a rom-com scene? Are you Meg Ryan? Is this your real life _Sleepless in Seattle_ moment?”

“It’s not a grand, and I we would definitely be more _You’ve Got Mail_ but that- that’s not the point, I just need to talk to him about- something.”

Stevie nods as if she understands but the layer of teasing remains. “Oh? Something that couldn’t be said over text?”

Just as she says this, David’s phone buzzes again and he looks down at where it’s resting in his lap.

Patrick 🖤  
  
**Today** 11:40 AM  
I’m really sorry if I crossed a line. Look, my segment is about to start, can I call you after? Explain a few things?  


He has to bite the side of his lip to prevent the smile from being too obvious as he reads the message and looks back up at the road. “Can you drive any faster, please?”

Stevie snorts a laugh and continues driving at the same speed as David twitches in his seat, fiddling with his phone as his stomach clenches with anxiety.

Before long they’re finally pulling up outside Elmington studio. David all but throws himself out of the car, ignoring Stevie’s borderline inappropriate comments and promising to text her when he’s finished, though she makes no promises of a return lift.

Taking a deep breath, David drops by the café on the corner of the street and orders himself a coffee. On second thought, he asks for a tea as well, hoping that it fits with Patrick’s usual order, and takes the two drinks with him.

David takes the stairs two at a time, following the signs for the studio, and immediately being let through with a knowing look from the two security women stood outside the front doors.

“We were wondering when we’d be seeing you,” one of them says gruffly, handing him a visitors’ badge and nodding through the door. “Straight down that corridor and on the left.”

“Thank you so much,” David mumbles, taking the lanyard and holding it in his hand as he follows their direction, pushing through the doors into a space not unlike his own workplace; filled with cameras and various workers all milling around and doing their jobs.

David follows the sound of Patrick’s voice, finding him stood in front of the camera already giving his report. He stands off to the side and watches, unable to keep the fond expression off his face.

“As we can see here, it’s looking like it will be cloudy with a few spots of--” Patrick trails off, his brown eyes wide with surprise as they lock with David’s, and his mouth dropping open, not unlike a goldfish. “David.”

David waves the fingers of one hand in Patrick’s direction, balancing his phone between the two take-away cups. Meanwhile, Patrick simply stands in silence for a minute more, the graphics continuing despite his distraction.

David can’t help but smirk at the expression of shock on his face, but takes pity, pointing towards the camera and mouthing, ‘you’re meant to be working’ at him.

This reminder seems to put the life back into Patrick’s body. He snaps back to look at the camera, and then back at David, and then again.

“Um, so- some rain. Take an umbrella,” he stutters.

Patrick runs out of steam, shrugging, as his segment ends, and the cameras switch back to Ray behind the desk.

Patrick trips off his small platform, almost falling over some wires scattered around the floor in front of him as he approaches David.

“Hi--”

“Hi, what are you doing here?”

“I just came to see if you--” David hesitates, chewing his lips. “To see if you meant it.”

“David--”

“I just needed to know--” David tries to say more, but Patrick doesn’t give him a chance. He steps directly into his space, hands slipping immediately around David’s waist to rest gently on his lower back and pulling him in for a deep kiss.

David makes a startled noise against his lips, but then melts into it, completely forgetting about the drinks in his right hand, which he drops on the floor. He ignores the sound of splashing as he wraps his arms around Patrick’s steady shoulders, and opens his mouth, welcoming the intrusion of Patrick’s tongue.

_“It seems that that is all we’ll be getting out of our meteorologist Patrick for today. I guess we’d best go for a little advert break while we allow them to get acquainted--”_

David hums into the kiss, tilting his head and pushing further into Patrick’s personal space.

Unbeknownst to him, the camera is panning away from Ray’s desk, and capturing their make out session in the corner of the shot. Not that David cares either way, finding the warmth of Patrick’s lips and mouth far more enticing than any other distraction.

***

Paul Mankins  
@paul_60179

Jesus Christ. Are we ever going to get to hear the weather?

12:00 PM · Apr 2, 2019

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**1** Retweets **2** Quote Tweets **138** Likes

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megan 🦝   
@little_miss_spreadsheet

OH MY GOD IT FINALLY HAPPENED

12:04 PM · Apr 2, 2019

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**40** Retweets **10** Quote Tweets **189** Likes

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betsy 🦝   
Replying to @little_miss_spreadsheet

I have been playing this clip over and over for an hour now, is that unhealthy?

50 61 177

Carter 🐝   
@carterbee

Patrick Brewer playing the long game and sassing his crush until he finally just makes out with him on live TV should be taken as inspiration for us all. 

12:10 AM · Apr 2, 2019

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**97** Retweets **104** Quote Tweets **508** Likes

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molly  
@alittlebito'gatsby

I hope they clean up all that coffee and shit, seeing that spilled all over the floor stressed me out BIG time.

12:13 AM · Apr 2, 2019

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**99** Retweets **105** Quote Tweets **558** Likes

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shivani  
@sunflowermyeyes

cloudy with a chance of DAVID oh my fucking god 🥺 🥺 🥺

12:19 AM · Apr 2, 2019

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**104** Retweets **70** Quote Tweets **468** Likes

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paige  
@parksanddiaz

Honestly, I don’t even care about the rest of the news. This IS the news; just give us a three-hour livestream of this moment and I’ll be happy.

12:24 AM · Apr 2, 2019

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**69** Retweets **26** Quote Tweets **191** Likes

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maggie :) 💕 🏳️🌈 🌸   
@victorgarberstan

Ted and Ray next, me thinks 😏 🍆 💦

12:34 AM · Apr 2, 2019

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**79** Retweets **20** Quote Tweets **148** Likes

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***

Ray lets Patrick go home after that; apparently there was enough excitement for one day and he didn’t want to pull focus from the fascinating frog race taking place in Thornbridge this afternoon.

Patrick returns to where David is hidden in a corner, his arms crossed protectively against his chest as he tries to ignore the knowing looks and smirks of Patrick’s colleagues. He runs a hand down his arm and squeezes David’s hand, looking at him with those wide brown eyes.

“You want to come back to my place? It kind of seems like we have a lot to talk about.”

David lets out a breathy laugh and nods. “Anyone would think you were trying to get me alone, Patrick Brewer.”

“Well, maybe that too. I-um, I thought I’d--” Patrick hesitates, twitching nervously for a few moments. “I thought I had made you uncomfortable. With my message.”

“No, you didn’t actually I- That’s the reason I came, I wanted to see if you were being serious or not. It’s hard to tell tone online, and--”

Patrick cuts him off by reeling him in by the back of the head and kissing him firmly on the lips. When they pull away, he rests his forehead gently against David’s, and they breathe the same air together, looking through eyelashes to catch glimmers of smiles on each other’s faces.

“I am being deadly serious, David Rose.”

“Well, that is, that’s--” David hesitates. “I think we should probably leave your workplace, now.”

Patrick frowns in confusion and looks around, where most of the set people are pretending not to look while simultaneously staring out of the corner of their eyes at the display that David and Patrick have made.

“Sure, we could go for lunch? I could take you on that date we were talking about? I heard it was the perfect season; not too hot, not too cold. Perfect sweater weather,” Patrick teases, though David decides that he doesn’t mind the sass when it’s accompanied by roaming hands and a soft, sweet smile.

David fights the urge to nudge at Patrick childishly and settles for simply rolling his eyes at the other man. “Actually, I was thinking about somewhere a little more--” he hesitates, pulling his most alluring facial expression and batting his eyelashes teasingly. “Private?”

Patrick’s face immediately shifts into overwhelmed excitement. He puts his hands in his jean pockets, and then pulls them out again, seeming to try desperately to appear casual but betraying his emotion in his anxious movements. “Yeah, I mean- that would be--”

He apparently gives up trying to hide his emotions as he finally settles on grabbing for David’s hand and leading him determinedly out of the studio doors, down the stairs, and into the street.

“Oh--”

“Come on, David. No time to waste.”

***

2 years later

“Good morning, everyone. Here’s the weather for this week. It’s unsurprisingly looking like a sunny one, which is to be expected of this time of year. Highs of almost twenty-three degrees across the region, and lots of sun, as we can see here.”

Patrick gestures to the board where the numbers are flagging up in a row.

“Especially in the Schitt’s Creek region, we’re looking at temperatures nearing the mid-twenties. One might even say that it’s the perfect weather for a _picnic.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my lovely friends for letting me use their likeness in the tweets, and for being so great in general, you're all the best ❤️
> 
> Thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed, let me know what you thought in the comments! ☀️


End file.
